“A book mysterious,
Her darkest secrets,
The pages wretched,
Was the miserable truth,
Left unheard, unsaid!”
This day, three years back, my life was completely transformed. Do you realize, how we humans tend to remember those little things which happened years back. We tend to keep on rethinking and rethinking our mistakes, our shortcomings, failures and what not. Three years back, my 16-year-old self committed a mistake, a mistake which left me broken. I remember everything, every moment very precisely. And every time I think of it, my hatred for myself grows more and more intense.
It’s been years to the incident, yet I’m unable to drag myself out of the ‘Past‘. The flashback always leaves me shattered, pushes me down on a guilt trip. My soul cries, how could I be so stupid? How could I not have the mind to see through things? How could I lie to my own people! Every year, I spend this day exactly like this, cringing on my mistakes, hating those memories. I never had the guts to write this down or accept it to myself. I let this remain unspoken, buried in the heart. But, it only gives pain, nothing else.
Sixteen according to me, is wrongly called ‘Sweet-Sixteen’, it should better be ‘Stupid-Sixteen‘, cause people do act stupid at that age. Even I did. An innocent kid fell into a foul trap and was betrayed. The only mistake she did was to ‘Trust‘ people. She could never have imagined people in the outside world would be this bad! Hence, she lost trust in people, she lost trust in herself, her own people lost trust in her. And she still is unable to forgive herself for that one thing which she experienced, the veil of innocence being lifted off the wicked people. They are not humans, they are just Wolves in Sheep’s clothing.
This one incident left a deep imprint on her heart and mind. How it left her in guilt, regret and embarrassment for these years, how it hindered her already reserved self to sink deeper into herself and shut-off from the world, how it broke her self-confidence, how it broke her trust in people. How it made her question the entire concept of humanity!
This affected her emotionally and mentally too. Her grades dropped abruptly in her semester exams, she couldn’t focus on anything else. She could hear voices in her head which used to criticize her day and night. Her conscience even gave her an ‘Alert Signal’ that day, which she failed to understand, and this was the result. Till today, she is scared of people, she is scared of ‘Love’. She still thinks a thousand times before trusting someone, and yet she actually doesn’t trust ANYBODY completely.
Sometimes, I try to visualize what would I have been if this one day wasn’t a part of my life, would I have been more confident, more happy? But, unfortunately, what has happened cannot be changed. Someone has rightly said, “Everything happens for good”. I believe in the statement, this one incident taught me soo much.
I am more aware of people’s intentions, I won’t fall into traps anymore, I think 10000 times before trusting people, and I don’t need love in my life. I love my family more, I share things to them, I cherish them. My family is above everything else. And with time, I have found friends whom I feel proud to call Friends. Though, they’re only a few, I do believe that they would never betray me. I learnt that life’s a gift, we should appreciate every bit of it. And it is full of challenges that we should be ready to take, you never know what the next moment might bring to you. So, be prepared.
Though, I learnt my lessons the harder way, it was all worth it. And it takes a hell lot of courage to accept the worst mistake of your life as being ‘Worth-it‘ in the end. But, we’re all humans, humans tend to fall, but they get back up too. They wipe their tears, clean their bruises and start walking again. I wish to do the same. This is a heart-felt attempt to rise above all guilts, to forgive and forget and start afresh, start a new and beautiful life.
Life is never easy. And difficulties are fun. They add to your experiences, good or bad, you get to learn, you get to become more wise, you get to grow by throwing yourself into difficulties. Though, I have no idea of how one forgives himself, today, I declare, I won’t cling onto the past and will try my best to start a new life, a life with more difficulties, more experiences, more learnings, more growth, more positivity. The journey begins today!
“What has happened has gone,
You can change nothing about it.
Just one incident cannot break you
Stop regretting , just forget it.
Every day is a new ray of hope,
Every morning brings a fresh start.
Adversities only make you stronger,
Don’t think too much,
Just listen to your heart!”