Why do I write?

Some days are particularly black. Days and nights pass on unnoticed, you just walk through life, wanting to feel something, anything! Be it sadness, anger, hatred, love, just anything that makes you feel alive again, something that makes you feel human again. You crave for some extreme pain to crush you down, some intense emotion to run all over you, to rip your heart, to pierce your soul, to possess you completely, just so you can finally have something to write on, just so you can feel that blazing fire within you again.

But nothing happens. You are caught in a loop of constant blankness. That is when you realise the fire ceased to burn, your heart stopped beating, only cold burnt ashes remain. The magic left you numb, with a heart that doesn’t beat anymore, with a face that doesn’t smile anymore, with a soul that has no purpose anymore, you’re as good as dead! This is how Writer’s Block feels to me.

When I was asked, Why do you write? I found this question so intriguing that I actually started thinking about why is it so important for me to write. What would happen if I am asked to stop writing for a few days? Writing is something I cannot just quit by choice. Though, I did give up in the last few weeks. But here I am again. A wind came passing by, which took away those ashes and reignited the spark in me, the passionate fire was set ablaze again, all set to burn everything around! 😛

These are my answers to “Why do I write?”

~For me, writing is happiness in its purest form. Right now, this moment is the happiest moment for me. I’ve struggled a lot with this in the past weeks. Pages remained blank, no matter how hard I wished to write. But today, watching this pen, dance across the paper, untamed, unrestricted, leaving inky footprints all along! I can feel the joy it feels, yay! It’s such a satisfying feeling. I would define Writing as ‘My kind of speaking‘. My mind is a chaotic place, it just cannot stay quiet. So, in that sense, I am quite a Chatterbox while writing!

~It has always been difficult for me to understand myself. Writing helps me analyse my emotions and thoughts. It helps calm the emotional storm within me. I have always loved rains. When words rain upon the paper, that is the best kind of rain, hahah! When someone asks me, “How do you feel?“, I have no idea what that means, it’s so confusing, and I cannot know how I feel unless I write it down. I am always complaining, “Nobody understands me!” How would they understand if I am myself unable to do that? Sometimes, I feel like an alien, writing things down in some foreign language, and then spending hours decoding what I meant when I wrote that! That is just how it works for me. 😛

~I feel lost most of the time. Everyone and everything seems to affect me, things drain me all the time. But when I write, I am in a different zone, it’s completely My Space, where no one else can accompany me. I walk into my world, and when I start writing, it feels like getting one step closer to my soul. I connect to myself in a unique, miraculous way. Writing unfolds my real self, I write to find myself somewhere in between my words, to catch a glimpse of me in them!

~Writing is my default mode. It’s just as important as eating, drinking, sleeping. It comes naturally. Some days, it comes like a sudden flash, when the right set of words collide with each other producing such hilarious amounts of energies, it enthralls me everytime. It’s a sudden urge, an ineffable rush to paint those pages colourful with poetry! And these times, I feel like something/someone else is trying to speak through me, something much greater and sacred.

Finally, Writing is everything to me. Each little cell that I am made of, smiles in delight when I write. I couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if I hadn’t realised and embraced the writer within me. This was just meant to be. I feel alive today. The fading, ebbing fire that possessed this writer’s spirit has been rekindled, yay! This is ultimate pleasure for me. 🙂

-Firefly 🐝