It’s been a long time that I haven’t written about anything. Today, I feel like writing. This is a letter from Me to Me. I guess this was a phase of complete transformation, from a clueless kid to a mature adult. This one year has been the biggest disaster, a total wreck as far as my behaviour is concerned. Sometimes, even I fail to understand the reason behind my behaviour.
I finally realised that I need to do nothing but accept whatever is happening, these abrupt changes, maybe they are a part of growing up, maybe they are a step towards becoming mature. Today, I turned 19, and I don’t find anything good when I reflect on the past year. I haven’t done anything productive. They say that 18 is the age when you get mature. I feel like my maturity is postponed ahead by years!
But yes, there’s still time, it’s never too late to bring a change. As far as the previous regular ME is concerned, I dug a grave and buried her there. She was dumb, yes she was. She was not Me actually, she was somebody else who dwelled inside me for the previous year, now I wish to get rid of her and her wild tantrums. I need peace. My happiness is in being without her.
The previous days played an important role in this realisation. I badly need one thing, that is clarity of mind. I no longer want to be the stupid kid who does mistakes in everything. Forgiveness is the biggest triumph, I want to forgive myself and accept myself as I am. I want to be that poised lady who learns from her experiences, who doesn’t repeat her mistakes.
I want to be the Woman of Substance, who is very calm and composed, who knows how to control herself, who isn’t desperate, who has lots of productive work to do, who doesn’t feel things sooo deeply, who knows what love actually is, who has a heart, who is full of values and character and nobody could sway her away from her decisions. I want to be that woman!
I want to live up to my name, ‘The Twilight Firefly‘, there was a beautiful thought behind choosing this name for myself, One day I will shine like a Firefly, illuminating the darkness. Inspite of all my flaws, I will shine with an unrestrained sparkle, taking away all the evil and spreading the light of happiness everywhere! I will live up to my name, I will be the best Firefly! I’m gonna be the saviour to my soul, I’m gonna set myself free, and make a new beginning today.
I’m gonna prove it, I’m gonna do anything it takes to become Mature, anything it takes to develop myself. I hereby make a promise to myself, exactly an year after, that is the day I’m gonna be 20, I will look at me with pride, there would be nothing to hate about myself, I would be the most comfortable in my own skin! I’m finally gonna be a Mature Girl, I’m gonna be alright and on the right track.
I’m seriously gonna follow everything in that TO-DO List, I would better myself at any cost, I wish I would no longer disappoint anybody, they will be proud of me one year from now. This is the toughest challenge of my life, I’m gonna go beyond my limits. I won’t give up now. Cheers to this Transformation!
**You are no weaker than anybody, stop underestimating yourself. You can do everything you wish to, all you require is a faith in yourself, you will be the best version of you, yes you will. Just keep the faith. All the Best. Happy Birthday Girl! Cheers to you. And don’t forget one thing, I FORGIVE YOU, AND I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!**